Some women appear to be so sheltered from the world of adult eroticism that one wonders if they have ever experienced sexual urges of any kind. The fact is that even today some women never tune into eroticism and never gain an appreciation of their own sexual arousal because women’s sexual arousal and orgasm is not automatic.
Nancy, a recently widowed woman in her seventies became acquainted with John, a man of the same age, during a stay in hospital. On the grounds of friendship, they met once for lunch and then Nancy invited him to her house. On admitting John to her home, he took the sexual initiative by giving her a tongue-in-mouth French kiss.
Nancy contained her revulsion at the uninvited physical intimacy until John left but resolved that she would never see him again. Nancy told me that even her husband of fifty years had never kissed her ‘like that’. Men never seem to lose their enjoyment of physical intimacy with the opposite sex whereas women do not necessarily appreciate the physical side of sexual encounters at all.
“Sex is the price women pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men pay for sex.” (p92 Why Women can’t read Maps 1999)
Women should be encouraged to hope for sexual pleasure
On the other hand Nancy has already had her chance in life. As a teenager in the early 1940′s, she was sheltered by her family and society from any knowledge of sexual pleasure. Young women were simply not equipped to know how to respond to their lover in bed. This was a sad loss for Nancy as well as for her husband. Sex and love are often confused for women and, even today, many people believe that knowledge of sexual pleasure is ‘inappropriate’ for respectable women.
Marriage is not just about family; it also involves a man and a woman being companions and hopefully lovers for life. Today there is no reason for sheltering young women from eroticism. Teenage girls should be told how couples can enjoy sex for life. Knowledge does not force a person to make certain choices – it gives them a choice.
Men today have alternatives to marriage as much as women. Not every woman is attracted to eroticism but it is no longer sufficient for a woman to simply ‘put up with’ sex. She needs to know how to enjoy a sexual relationship beyond the early years if she is to keep a family together. Equally we need to change attitudes so that men appreciate the effort that women make in sex.
Sex has existed for eons and yet it is often asserted that women’s sexuality has changed over recent decades. Changing attitudes and providing information can only encourage women to make the most of their innate sexuality. Whatever the fashion, all women have essentially the same fundamental sexual responses and these are quite different to men’s.
The sexuality that some young women display today is no different to the past except society then was not so admiring of women who behaved in a sexually provocative manner. Since young women often don’t know how to have an orgasm it seems less likely that women who engage in casual sex are enjoying sexual pleasure.
In any event, it is worth questioning the value of a relationship for either side that starts by bartering sex for a meal or a couple of drinks. The film ‘Doc Hollywood’ makes the point well that young women should consider holding back a little and testing out whether a man is interested in them as a person or simply on getting into their knickers.